Crisis Center
Crisis Plan
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The news came as a phone call in the middle of the night—there’d been an accident. Our son, Michael, was in critical condition. Only later did we hear the words, “brain injury.” At the time we were unable to absorb what those words might mean for our son and our family. There were decisions to be made. Things to be done. Yet we moved like zombies, scarcely able to think. Recently, as I looked back over my scribbled notes from that time, I was reminded of how many details required my attention. Chores. Responsibilities. Relationships. Research. Friends and family were more than willing to help, but I had trouble getting my head together enough to think of the tasks. It’s my hope that this article will do some of the thinking for you.
I’ve made a list of some of the things that must be taken care of in a crisis as well as some strategies I learned that freed me to be where I most needed to be—with my son. Hopefully, there are people around you willing to walk with you on this journey. Let them. Even in hard times, there is comfort to be found in the love, prayers, and concern of others.
Action Plan
- Call a friend to arrange care for those you're responsible for: children, elderly family members, pets.
- Bring your address book.
- Make a list of the names and numbers of those who need to be notified. Include family, close friends, your employer and the Human Resource person at work.
- Bring insurance information.
- Decide who should come, when. There’s a tendency to want everyone to come at the point of crisis but brain injury recovery can be a long process. If your family is out of town, choose one person who can best support you and ask the others to wait. Traveling can be costly so depending on your financial situation, it may be best to wait and see what help you will need later on before using valuable resources up front.
- Choose a point person. Have one person who will communicate with the medical staff and keep family and friends appraised of your loved one’s condition. (Can be two different people.) Email is one way. Even better, if someone has the expertise, have them set up a website where information is posted. Then others can log on at will. A phone tree is also good option where you ask one person from each circle of relationships (family, work friends, neighbors, church friends, etc.) to pass along information to the others in that group. Except for when you feel you need to talk with others, try to avoid setting up the expectation of personally relaying information. (See ICU and the Family).
- Evaluate facility. Be prepared to decide if your loved one should continue treatment in the facility where admitted. Many good hospitals are not equipped to handle the unique, intense problems of brain injury. Check out Centers of Excellence for help in finding the facility best able to serve your loved one's needs.
- Assign chores. Make a list of things that will need to be done such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, etc. so that you're prepared when others offer to help. (If you're not comfortable asking them, give the list to an organizer who can match chores to what your friends like to do.) You may need someone to pick up your mail. If you anticipate a lengthy stay away from home have someone separate the bills and bring them to you once a week.
- Pack a bag. If you will be staying overnight in the hospital, have a friend bring a few things for you: clothes, pajamas, slippers, toothbrush, toothpaste, makeup, razor. If you can allow yourself the diversion, magazines and a good book are nice to have for the in-between times.
- Nurture yourself. Surround yourself with people and things that give you strength. Most hospitals have a chaplain available to talk with you should you desire spiritual support. Bring a Bible. Call your pastor or priest. Ask a friend to bring you each a cup of good coffee. Then take a break. Go outside if it’s nice. Walk. If it’s possible, go home for a while. Take a long, hot shower. Get a massage. For the sake of your loved one and your family, make a commitment to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Karen Moderow is a freelance writer with over ten years experience working in public relations for charitable organizations. As the parent of a son with traumatic brain injury, she has considerable experience dealing with brain injury issues. Her new book, Back Roads Home, chronicles her family’s journey. She is the Director of Content for the Brain Injury Resource Center. www.moderow.us